There is a two-prong pull for all of us in childhood that carries into adulthood. One side of the prong is feeling like we need to matter and the other side of the prong is trust.
A child has to matter and know that they matter to their family, caretakers, teachers and people around them. A child will find a way to matter even if that means becoming destructive in the process. It is why we see children becoming the scapegoats to carry on their family’s problems. This is when we see children getting into trouble in school, developing addictive habits and getting into other troubles. As we grow into adulthood, we learn how to carry “mattering” with us.
The other side of that prong is trust, which plays a huge role in adulthood. As a child, or infant even, we have to feel that we can trust who takes care of us. Babies need to know they can trust whoever is holding them. Children need to know that they can trust their teachers, parents and caregivers and know that they have their best interest in mind. For many, it was that way but for many others trust was never established, which also carries on into adulthood.
These two prongs carry on into adulthood and help us to understand that we live in a world that we can trust and that will be there for us. However, there are many instances where that prong is questioned. Last Sunday we remembered 9/11, where many people began to wonder what really matters to me? For some people they realized work was not the most important thing in their life – it was their loved ones and they needed to step back and spend more time with their loved ones rather than work. 9/11 made many people wonder about their “why” and that day in American history brought that to the forefront.
So knowing how important it is to feel we matter is knowing our why and our purpose in life. When you have a vision for your life, that vision can help carry you through days when you feel like you don’t matter.
Several people might even feel like they don’t know what their “why” is. But deep down inside of us, we all know, and we all have a “why” and a purpose for being here on earth. You know who you are and what you want, you just have to dig deep and discover it. This teaching opens the door for us to create lives that matter to us.
When it comes to our vision and living out our purpose, it might not happen right away. Most times it happens slowly, which is why it is so important to celebrate it even if the tiniest bit of that vision begins to show up in your life. These celebrations are what will carry you through to the next step.
For instance, if you have the vision of running a marathon as part of your vision, there is a process to get there. When you run your first few miles, you’ll get a dopamine rush knowing you accomplished those first few miles. So celebrate that first win and every other mile after that so that these small wins can carry you through to your bigger vision. If you wait to celebrate the big win, you’ll have a dopamine rush and then it’s all over. Celebrate every small win and use it as motivation!
On the other side of the prong, we have trust. Trust is vital in relation to our work and daily lives. It may be difficult to believe but you are always self employed. Regardless of where your paycheck comes from or your job title, you create that job and without you, the job wouldn’t exist.
The most important person to satisfy at work is yourself because that is how you share your purpose with the world and serve others. If you’re not satisfied, that’s a sign to go out and do something that brings satisfaction to your life. We all have a purpose and it is vital to create places that feel like you matter and somewhere you can trust. Once you give to the world, the world will give back to you and multiply.